More on My Resolutions...

I have a massive headache right now

Which I think is directly relatable 

To my two lenten resolutions...

I think this headache is a combination

Of caffeine withdrawal...

Because I'm not drinking pop

And something stress related

Because I'm not swearing...

Well, I'm not swearing A LOT...

I swore seven times yesterday

And another five today

And if you actually know me and hear me talk

It could be much worse...

Time to do homework!

Ash Wednesday and Lenten Resolutions

I know that it's only a little after one in the morning

So it really hasn't been Ash Wednesday long at all

But this year, I decided to stop swearing for Lent.

And already, I am seeing how difficult this is going to be.

I knew that I swore quite often, but honestly

I don't think I ever realized that I swear THIS much.

I have carefully calculated each and every word

That has come out of my mouth...

Even though I'm not voicing the swear words

I can still hear them in my mind... 

And there are a lot of them... 

But an hour into this, I haven't slipped up yet.

11:11 Can't Stop It

I'm still wishing when I see the clock...

But it's not for you anymore...

And I'd feel bad saying this, except

I know that you don't read this.

Old Poetry Jag...

Okay, so if you read my previous post, you'll realize that I broke out the old journals from high school... So be prepared for angsty teen poetry, but only the ones I kind of like regardless...

These poems are more from a time when I started putting dates and times on my poetry, so I actually know exactly how old I was when these were written...  Without further adieu, two of my crappy, seventeen-year-old, high-school-minded, still-living-at-home, ax-to-grind poems...

Pictures

December 30, 2005-- 1:09 a.m.

Pictures line the wall above my head

A girl stares at me over six years

The same smiling face

Through those years

Six years of smiles and frowns, laughter and tears

Years of pride and accomplishments

That have been forgotten, gone unnoticed

Which might explain her eyes

How they started out innocent, stayed that way with friends

She smiled with her first date, her third

And then the pictures changed

And it was just her.

Standing by a bell. alone; even though the other kids weren't

Posing in the grass and on the floor

Just like the other kids whose parents ordered pictures

Only she ordered them for herself.

And soon they'll be two more

Where she'll still be all alone

And I wonder...

What will her eyes say then?

Love is... Hate

December 31, 2005-- 1:01 a.m.

Love is when one tear of sorrow is an ocean

And you'd do anything to find the rowboat. 

Love is when one whispered promise could form a civilization

But one lie could destroy it.

Love is when sweet nothings are suddenly everything,

And you crave them more than anything

Hate is when the tears of sorrow fall unchecked

And no one bothers to look for the rowboat.

Hate is when every whispered promise is broken

Even though you knew it would be

Hate is when those sweet nothings lose their sugar

And every word becomes salt on a wound.

Extremes like night and day

Yet they go hand in hand

The best and worst, side by side

Stuck in an uncontrollable tango

Stepping on everyone's toes

Ruining everyone's evening.

Sonnets...

Wow!  So, looking back through some of my old notebooks and journals, I found the sonnets that I wrote forever ago... Back when I was a sophomore in high school!  Some I wrote because I wanted to, and some for vocabulary assignments...

Let me just say now, I love sonnets.  I love the flow and the meter and the rules to it... I love the way it bounces along when you speak...  I digress... Here are some of my favorites out of the dozen or more that I wrote, uncensored and straight from my 15-year-old mind...  None of them are titled, just numbered...

Sonnet #2

A heart of love to melt away the snow

And fill my days with happiness and sun

To make the lovely oaks and roses grow

And stay with me till all our days are done.

He'll chase away the sun from where we lay

And keep me in his heart for days gone by

He'll hold my hand, and sit with me and stay

And stop my tears when I begin to cry.

Where has he gone? My love, my joy, my life?

Abandoned me, gone on to better days

Alone to deal with trouble and with strife

And find my way through this sorrowful haze.

      When he's by my side, I'm so full of glee

      But life without him is no life for me.

Sonnet #7

The sun shines down upon my smiling face

I lay upon the grass and look above

I watch the clouds, across the sky they race

It fills my heart with happiness and love.

The softness of the wind surrounds my form

It caresses me, and lifts me to content

Despite the cool, I cannot feel unwarm

This is the way that my days should be spent.

He takes my hand and whispers in my ear

He holds me close and I know that I'm safe

He wipes away my every doubt and fear

He makes me smile, he gives me hope... and faith.

      I've never felt such happiness before

      I never know just what he has in store.

Sonnet #15

It seems I show a proclivity

To be a commiserator with peers

Even those who's tenousness irks me

They wheedle me until I'm brought to tears

Even though my peers are noncommital

In helping me to expedite my dreams

Just telling you, I am ascribable

Because I get no credit, so it seems.

Please don't think I do not want to help them

Nominally, they'd like to help me too.

But their circuitous nature is a gem

To keep from having anything to do.

      This is truly an abomination

      I just want to feel collaboration.

Rapid Fire Blogging

Okay, so this one is going to be quick

Because it's already three in the morning

But I had a total college experience

And I thought it was funny

And that I would share it here, because

It made me smile a little bit.

So I had to write a paper for a class

Basically talking about gender messages

And how old I was when I realized I was a girl

Or something like that...

We're using these papers to do a class activity

And to do this, we have to analyze using articles

Which I should have read before this

But I got behind on the reading

So I stayed up late to finish it tonight.

While reading, I put a movie in for noise

So I got through The Last Unicorn

And then I put in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Then, I decided I was hungry

And I made some Ramen noodles...

This was around 1:00 in the morning,

When Eternal Sunshine had just started...

Anyway, it struck me as kind of absurd

Because I was sitting in the middle of the floor

Leaned up against the couch; 

Open book half on my lap, half on the footstool

Eating Ramen noodles, and at that point,

Half-reading, half-watching the movie

And it seemed very... stereotypical college student.

So I wanted to write that down...

Tomorrow, well technically, today if you wanna be picky

After my first four classes,

I'm going with Brittany and Aud to the dog park in Akron

So I can run and romp and play with Moose and Beast.

Then I'm coming home and going to my last class

And doing homework... It's going to be lovely.  

Have a peachy day.

Stab Me With a Rusty Spoon...

So, this is prettymuch the antithesis of my happier post of last time... I don't even have the energy to write it in the happy poetry type form that I really enjoy... It's 11:20 in the evening, and I just woke up.  Yes, you heard that right... I took a killer nap.  I haven't really been sleeping well lately.

Last night, I was up till after 3 in the morning, and I had to get up at 7 to go to NEOHO, which stands for North Eastern Ohio Housing Officers.  Basically, it's a big convention of RAs and we share different programs and things with each other.  And I was dressed as a giant squirrel for a good portion of it.  Which was very very hot, and exhausting...

Add this to the fact that I've been sick for the past week, and you have a day full of complete agony.  I thought that after I ate lunch, I would feel better, and I thought wrong.  After I ate lunch, I immediately regretted doing so.  I hate being nauseous, and unfortunately, it doesn't seem to take too much to do it to me anymore.  

Needless to say, I was more than ready for a nap when I got back.  (Which seems to be the case most days anymore... I go to sleep, wake up, go to class, come home, nap, do homework, repeat...) And I slept from 6 in the evening until 11 at night.  I only woke up then because a friend called me.

So now that I'm awake and still feeling like crap, I'm off to Wal-Mart to get a few essentials... including something to knock me right back out.  If you're reading this, I hope you're feeling far better than I am.