What 23 Taught Me

So, I've been 24 about a week now... almost anyway.  Twenty-three was a big year for me.  There have been a lot of huge events: getting engaged in February, moving to St. Louis in May, and now getting married this coming December.  A lot has happened, and I guess it seems right that I might try to reflect at least a little.

So, without further adieu, and in no particular order:

What 23 Has Taught Me:

 -Sometimes, you have to be your own biggest cheerleader.

  -Not all pizzas are created equal.

-Caring for something that trusts you implicitly and loves you unconditionally makes you want to be a better   

  person.  

-Sometimes, heavy people can move faster than lighter ones.  Especially if you’re zip-lining.

-Sugar cubes are so much better than regular sugar. 

-You appreciate Autumn so much more when your whole Summer was 100+ degrees. 

-Nobody ever said you have to be pregnant to wear maternity clothes. 

-There is no substitute for your mommy. 

-You’re never too old for a tea party.  

-There’s something really special about getting to read aloud to someone.  I’m glad it was something I was 

  able to rediscover. 

-I have no idea how I made it this long without a dog.  I also have no idea what I’ll do when she’s gone. 

-You don’t have to be perfect to have confidence in yourself.  

I Don't Know if Anyone Reads This...

I'm not sure if anyone reads this... but I'm trying to get this out there as much as possible.  Our dog needs an operation, and I'm trying to figure out a way to make it happen.

If you have a moment to take a look, or wouldn't mind passing it on...

Thank you.

https://sites.google.com/site/helpourangel/home

So Frustrated...

Jon and I moved to St. Louis a little over a month ago.  It's been a really tough move, with a lot of ups and downs.  Jon is working in the theater, which is his passion... And that's great.  Meanwhile, I've been working for the theater as well, just not in the capacity I'd like to.  But that's okay, because he's happy.  


But I have to vent.  Because quite honestly, this is all getting to be really hard, and I can't tell him that, because he just panics.  I'm the one that's been keeping calm, but I can't hold it all in anymore.  


We aren't making enough money to cover our bills and groceries.  We both tried applying for food stamps, but apparently I have "excessive income."  He didn't even get called back.  How is it possible that we are in the red at the end of every month, but our income is excessive?


In the meantime, I've been applying for second jobs like crazy.  Receptionist positions, retail... I even applied to be a flight attendant.  I don't know what else to do.

On top of all that, we're trying to pay for the wedding.  I've already accepted that I am not getting a dream wedding.  It's not even going to be close to what I want.  But we don't even have money for stamps for the damn envelopes to send out Save the Date cards.  I'm struggling to make payments on a wedding dress, and Jon barely pays for our rings each month.  There will be no money for flowers or decorations...

It's hard, because I spent so much of my life with people telling me that things were going to get better.  That they understood that it was hard for me being "the poor kid" growing up.  That if I just worked hard enough, when I grew up, things would be better.  They aren't.

I have already given up on flowers for the wedding.  I have cut down my guest list.  I have no idea what we are doing for catering.  I will not have a photographer or video person.  I am not paying to get my hair or makeup done.

For once in my life, for that one special day, I'd just like to not have to do things as cheap as possible.  I just want it to be elegant.  I'd like to be able to have a fancy wedding like other people.  For once in my life, I'd like to not want it to be better.  I'd like to not be embarrassed that I can't offer my friends and family more.

I wish that for once in my life, I'd get all those things people told me were going to come.  Because I believed the grown ups who told me it would get better.  I believed that it wouldn't always be that way, and I had hope.

Had.