It is What it Is...

Quite simply put, some nights just aren't meant for sleeping, and it would seem that tonight is one of those nights... Which is quite remarkable, actually, considering how exhausted I've been all week. I took a nap right after work around 6:30 p.m., and ended up sleeping til around 9:30 p.m., which would explain why I'm wide awake right now.

Today was actually a very good day. I took a couple of students shopping with me to help get ready for Family Day on Sunday, and it was really rewarding. One of the students I took has been having sort of a difficult time this summer. He's struggling with a recent diagnosis doctors have given him, and he's pretty quiet most of the time. He has these big, sad eyes that just break your heart when you know he's upset.

But today wasn't like that at all. He was excited, happy and eager. He asked questions about me, laughed, joked, sang along with the radio in the car... It was so wonderful to see him happy and smiling, and just really warmed my heart. Today alone has made this summer and all the hectic stuff worth it.

On top of all that, I booked my flight tickets today. So now I know I really am going to St. Louis at the end of the summer to visit Jon. I think it's going to make this next month a lot more bearable. There are so many plans I want to make, and so many things I hope happen while I'm there, but for now, I'm just trying not to get ahead of myself.

So for now, I'm going to watch a little more Bones, then go to bed.

Running in So Many Different Directions

Figured I'd take half a minute to myself and update this thing... Upward Bound is officially done with week one, and I don't think I've ever had a harder week in my life. Up at 7:00 a.m., breakfast by 8:00, and then nonstop work until the students go to bed at 11:00 p.m., at which point we sit down to get that day's paperwork done. We're working sixteen hour days, then falling into bed to get up and do it all over again.

And somewhere in there, I'm trying to make time to talk to Jon. It's been really difficult. I know he's working hard too, and that there's a time difference (only an hour) but it seems like I'm trying harder. I stay up til 1:30-2:00 in the morning just to talk to him, and then it's only for a few minutes because he says he's tired. And that hurts, a lot. And I've been trying to make him understand this, but it's just not getting through. He hasn't been feeling well the last couple days, and that just makes him prone to snap at me. Which doesn't help when my nerves are already fried.

So far, I've taken two students to the emergency room, and a third met me there by ambulance. I have been managing medication for a handful of students, chasing them down at each meal. I have dealt with more attitude from singular people than I thought I would deal with from the whole group. My staff has been all over the place, falling out here and there, and it's incredibly frustrating not to be able to rely on them all the time.

But more than anything, when one of the students calls me, "Miss Amanda," it's all okay again. I love these students to death, and I worry about all of them. I'm Momma Bear, and they're all my cubs whether they want to be or not.

Finally, Laura's wedding was yesterday, and it was absolutely fantastic. She had a Disney theme that she managed to pull off without being at all cheesy. The bridesmaid dresses were amazing, Josh looked incredibly handsome, and Laura was more beautiful than I ever thought possible. I'm so glad I was there, and I had a lot of fun sitting with the other people from work.

Now it's time to go, because there are a million more things to do before the students get back at 6:00.