Yet Another 1:00 a.m.

Okay, so it's not that late... yet

But I'll be up awhile longer...

I have a fifteen page paper due Thursday

Which I started this afternoon...

I don't know why I waited so long...

I just did...

I'll be honest, things have been real hard lately.

It's like I'm running down a path

And I can't stop, even though I can see a drop-off ahead...

It's almost like I want to fall...

Anyway, I have that paper

Plus French homework that I have to do

But I'm taking a few minutes to write this blog...

Because I feel like I HAVE to...

I tried telling someone how I feel...

How I don't think about good things anymore

How I'm generally an unhappy person

And I'm just too tired to keep pretending...

About how all the crap I do, 

How busy I am

Is really just a charade to make it look like

I have a life, and a purpose

Is just an empty shell...

That even though I enjoy doing those things,

I mostly do it because

If I stopped for two seconds

I'd just sink deeper into misery...

I tried telling her about how I wish it would all stop...

Not that I'd do anything...

But I really just don't want to feel this way

Anymore...

And you know what?

She didn't listen...

She told me she didn't want other people's stress

And that me talking that way made her feel sick...

Even though I've ALWAYS listened to her

Whether I agreed or not...

So now one of the few people I trusted to listen

To tell me it's okay

To tell me that even though I feel like I want to die

That I should never, never think that way

That I'm important and loved and needed

Prettymuch sent me away...

And that's where I'm at right now...

I'm going to post another blog

With a poem I've been working on...

And then get back to the French homework

And the paper...