Sunday, November 20, 2011

Duty Night, So Why Sleep Yet?

I'm on duty tonight, so I'll be up for awhile. There's no point in trying to go to sleep until at least 1:00 a.m., because RAs will be done with rounds by then. In the meantime, I'm stuck thinking, which is probably the worst thing for me to be doing.

I got the job as the Winter Break RHD, which basically means that I won't be doing anything for the holidays. The person I'm sharing duty with said he wanted Christmas, so I gave it to him... he's basically my boss during the school year, so I didn't really feel comfortable telling him that he couldn't have it. I got New Year's off, but I don't really do anything for New Years...

This is the problem: Jon wants to go home to see his family for Christmas. Fuck.

I will never tell him not to go see his family on Christmas. Never. What I do want him to understand is that he IS my family. We are a family, and he is all I have this holiday, as my parents wouldn't come visit if I paid them. I am trying to be okay with him going, but of course I'm upset. Who wants to be alone on Christmas?

The other part that makes me upset (and that I can't tell Jon) is that the only reason I took this job is to be able to afford the iPad he wants. He's trying so hard to be happy here, and it's really difficult for him. He isn't making as much money as he wants to, or getting the hours he wants... He's still trying to make friends... I want to get him something he really wants to show him just how much I love him, and how much it means that he stayed. (Which I know he knows anyway...)

How do you tell someone to stay without being selfish?

1 comment:

Connie said...

Rob asked me to stay for Christmas, too. I had planned on spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my family...but he considers me his family.

I think it's just a difference in thought patterns. To me, I love Rob dearly and care about him...but I'm still selfish enough to not consider him as important (really bad word choice) as my mom, sister, etc. I'm still thinking independently rather than codependently, I guess.

I don't think you're being the selfish one at all--you just both want to be with those you care about. I would just try to talk to him about it--who knows, maybe you can work something out that suits both of you. :)

Miss you--if you weren't on duty, I'd have you come here for Christmas!