Tuesday, April 5, 2011

More Terribly Screwed Up Dreams

Woke up at 6:50 a.m. on April Fool's Day, sobbing. Here is the delightful dream that caused it. I'll be telling it in first person, because I'm going to have to do dream work with it anyway in one of my classes, and our professor makes us tell our dreams like they're happening:

Jon and I are waiting outside, near some train tracks. It is winter. There's no snow falling, but the ground is completely covered, and I can see my breath in the air. We are waiting for a bus of some kind.

There are six people with us: two white couples, and a black couple. We are all discussing an article in the paper, about how Mekhi Phifer was arrested for killing four people. I tell everyone how much I liked him in "ER."

We are all waiting for some weird bus. This trip is supposed to be some sort of big experience. (When I wake up, I will think about it like the acid trip buses in the 1960s. Then I will be reminded of the movie Inception, the idea of waiting for a train, and that while you don't know where the train will take you, it's okay, because you're together)

When the bus finally arrives, it's absolutely packed. The whole back of the bus lowers like a drawbridge, and it looks like a bar inside. The floors are wooden, and there are wooden stools next to the bar. It's dim inside, except for lights over the bar and televisions glaring.

The other couples we are waiting with get on the bus. One of the white women got on, but the man she was with, her boyfriend, isn't able to get on the bus. The woman starts screaming, and the bus stops to let him cram in too.

Jon and I watch this, after having walked into and then back out of the bus. We look at each other and share an unspoken thought: "We don't need this."

We walk away, with everyone asking about it. Everyone new to the bus stop wants to know what it was like. Jon and I just smile, and I tell them that we didn't go. As we walk away from them, I turn back to smile and say, "I hope you find what you're looking for." The people at the bus stop smile back at us, and everything is perfect.

As Jon and I walk away, we feel so completely alive, and untouchable. But the further we get from the bus stop, the more we start to feel like something is wrong. It is still dark out, and we are trying to make it through town, back home. It starts to dawn.

Suddenly, we are back by the train tracks again. It is dark, and we are dodging trains. Suddenly, the tracks are all full with trains in both directions, and I know what is going to happen. I know something is very wrong.

As we dodge, I see a small gap in the trains for us to squeeze through. I get where I need to go, but Jon dodges the wrong way. I scream, "JON!" But it is too late. Jon dodges left instead of right.

The train hits him, tearing him completely in half. It's seamless. The top of his body is there, and then it isn't. The train stops as soon as it hits him. The driver gets out and sees what has happened. He throws up, and then begins to look for something

Jon's blood is such a strange color. Sort of purple-ish and metallic. I think of Harry Potter, and how I always imagined unicorn blood would look. (When I wake up, Jon will say, "Like motor oil?" and I will be surprised how well he pictures what I mean) The color is so strange against the white of the snow.

The driver is saying, "We have to find the other half of his head." I have been screaming, but suddenly, I calmly point beneath the side of the train, and say "It's right here." I am dialing a number on my Blackberry. I thought I dialed 911, but Jon answers the phone.

I am looking at the train, confused. I am sobbing, and I hear Jon's voice on the phone. "Hey, Baby!"

"Bunny?" I reply. (That's what I call him)

"Yeah." Jon answers. "What's wrong? You sound upset."

I am crying, and smiling an odd smile, trying to keep it together on the phone. "Oh, nothing, Bunny. It's just... Something real serious just happened here, and I needed to hear your voice, okay?"

"Okay, babe. I love you."

As I am saying, "I love you too," I am crying harder. I know that when I hang up the phone with you, everything is over.

And this is where I wake up crying.


In my dreams, I almost never hear the dialog. I just know what it is that has happened or was said, or everyone speaks in my voice. Never before have I so clearly heard someone else's voice in a dream. I woke up crying and couldn't go back to sleep. I scared Jon to death because I gasped so loud when I woke up.

Oddly enough, he said he'd woken up a few seconds before I did. When he stays over, he always likes to be touching me, even if it's just a hand on my shoulder. He said that as soon as he touched me, I woke up crying. Even stranger, as I was describing the dream, he could see a lot of what I was saying. (The way he described the blood color really freaked me out.)

So that's my latest, very odd dream.

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