Can't Sleep, What a Surprise

Tonight, Nikki Giovanni came to speak at the Student Center on campus. To be honest, I hadn't really known who she was, but I was going to the presentation to fulfill an RA in-service requirement.

I am SO GLAD that I went. Not only did she read her wonderful poetry, but she had so many other WONDERFUL, AMAZING things to say. I cannot wait to scour the libraries and read everything of hers that I can.

Ms. Giovanni said some really wonderful things, and I tried my best to write them all down. I don't know if it's the journalism in me, or my strong desire to write them all out, and post them around the room so I don't ever forget them.

One thing she said that I really liked was, "People are crazy, and there's not much you can do about that." I feel like I deal with that a lot, especially with this job... People, students, whatever, are always going to do what they're gonna do... And I'm doing my best to learn to just take a step back and accept that.

Another wonderful thing she said was, "If you have to go down, you need to go down on something you believe in... something that makes sense to you." This was so wonderful, and doesn't really need any more explanation... But, later she mentioned that, "You can't make sense out of the senseless." Gosh, I would have loved to just sit there and listen to her talk for hours.

There were other gems of knowledge... "I'm so sick of comfortable people telling people who have no choices what they should be doing." I wanted to hug that woman.

And, I think maybe my favorite (oh, who am I kidding? I loved it all) quotes throughout the night had to have been, "If you don't have anything else to do, you have to fall in love."

All in all, a nice night. I went after and got dinner by myself, which was nice, if only because generally I don't go out of my way to get food I want... Rather, I just grab something and eat in the office. I came back to my room, took a bath, and just generally lounged about.

And now it's 2:15 in the morning, and all I want to do is sleep... Which isn't happening... Awesome. Goodnight, and you should read something of Nikki Giovanni's!

Being an Adult Sucks...

So, all around me, I keep hearing about people taking the next step in life. People are moving in together, people are having babies... People are getting pets and cars and joint bank accounts... They're getting married, or divorced or whatever, but they're growing up.

And many of them are growing together... There have been SO MANY engagements, and even a wedding or two among my friends. Many of them have been living together for awhile now, and many more might as well be. Meanwhile, I'm setting my life up to move on.

I've been accepted into graduate school, with a great job that would allow my boyfriend to move in. We could stay in our little apartment, free of charge, with no rent or utilities to worry about. Yet, I don't believe him when he says he wants to move in with me. And I don't know if he understands how serious I am when I say I'm done with long distance.

There is NO REASON for us not to take this step, if we know it's something we want. We could live here, save up all that money we'd be using on rent, and then when we're ready, buy our own house! It would be ours, with no rent, no landlords, no mortgages or banks hung over our heads.

And we could have something NICE. For once in my life, I could be safe and secure.

I will not live my adult life the way I lived my childhood. I will not weep and wonder and worry about where the next bill payment is coming from, or whether or not there will be clean clothes or groceries this week. I will not cry at night because I'm afraid that next month, I won't have a house at all.

I am not going to do this anymore... And I don't know how to make him understand that. I don't know how to make him understand that it's time to be a grown-up... That this is our chance to finally make this relationship work, and if he doesn't take it, I can't do this.

I know he has a lot on his plate. I know he wants to be sure that he provides for his mother. But I need him to realize that if WE are ever going to work, then I need him to focus on the future. And that means trying to provide and save for OUR family, so that when we start one, we won't be starving and living on the streets. I understand that he's looking for a place to live NOW, but I can't understand why he's looking at options that would require him to stay THERE and not HERE.

Mostly, if this isn't something he wants, I need him to TELL ME. Because if he doesn't tell me, then I'm going to be all kinds of screwed up when this is over. Because I love him. I always have, and a part of me probably always will... But this is the FIRST TIME I've ever REALLY felt like we could try and make it as a couple. This is the FIRST TIME I've felt like I KNOW we could spend the rest of our lives together... And I don't want to wait until "someday" for all that to start.

Big Happy Days

So I recognize that I'm horrible at keeping up with this blog

I just don't always have the extra time to post.

Last weekend was the trip to Detroit, which was fabulous

It was an eye-opening experience.

I taught my class this morning, which went really well.

They drew me a picture of teamwork, and we blindfolded one,

Told one she couldn't use her hands.

One couldn't speak, one was angry and unhelpful, and the other was overly helpful.

Two were "normal"

I have a nice picture for my wall now.

The good news I haven't mentioned yet is that last Friday, I got the call from Kent State

I'm going to be an ARHD here next year, which is the position I wanted.

It's going to be great!

The weather is lovely, go out and enjoy it!