I always thought that when I got to this point, I would be more excited about going back. In reality, I can't believe it's already been five years. I know that I'm doing better than many of my classmates in a lot of respects, but I feel like going back is only going to make me compare what I've done and where I'm at to them, and that's not a good idea.
Most of all, I thought that after five years, I wouldn't care so much about the way people treated me in high school. On the contrary, I've found that I don't want to go back... I'm afraid to see these people again, and afraid of how they'll treat me.
You apparently don't get over someone telling you to kill yourself every morning. You don't forget people making fun of the way you laugh. You'll always remember the way people ignored you, were snarky to you, and used you.
I guess I just thought that at 22, with a degree, in graduate school and with a steady job and boyfriend, I would feel more confident in what I am and who I've become. I just feel like the second I stand in front of these people, I'm going right back to who I was then, and I'll be staring at the floor, afraid to make eye contact, and scared that they're going to be the same people they were then.
1 comment:
I understand completely. I went to my 5 year reunion, mostly because I felt I was supposed to, and regretted it. I haven't been to one since.
It's also amazing, some of the people who treated me the worst in high school are ones who try to be very nice and sweet to me now. It's probably childish, but I just can't get over how big of jerks they used to be.
As far as most of your classmates go, you probably are doing A LOT better than many of them. You've accomplished quite a lot, and had fewer advantages handed to you. Be proud of what you've accomplished, but don't feel you have to prove it to anyone.
Post a Comment