I Post Less When I'm Happy

Connie and I had a phone conversation the other day, and she pointed out that anyone that reads her blog would probably assume she's bat shit crazy. We realized it's because basically, neither of us posts on our blogs unless we're upset about something. So, this post is in an effort to post about something that's happy.

I had a lovely weekend. I stayed with Jon in Youngstown, and we did all sorts of things. We went to dinner and a movie the first night, as well as looked around at a couple different malls and a handful of bookstores. We also went to a couple Halloween stores so I could try costumes on, and it was a lot of fun. Sunday was a nice, lazy day. We got up and loafed around, went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch, and then went back to his place and played Yahtzee while we watched Glee. It was just a very laid back, relaxing time.

Then Monday hit. It has actually been a pretty crappy week. A lot of work stuff that I can't really talk about, and then I had to make an emergency dentist visit yesterday morning. I spent most of the day on painkillers, which was kind of nice, because Jon came over to take care of me. He really made sure I was okay. There was a level of genuine concern that I'm just not used to. He brought me things and kept an eye on me while I was crawling around the apartment. He was afraid to leave me alone for very long, and probably for good reason, because I kept falling over. This wasn't a big issue until I tried to take a shower... I couldn't really stand very long, and ended up sitting on the floor of the shower. He respectfully stayed out, but kept talking to me through the door so he could make sure I was okay. It was actually very sweet.

He was also really patient with me, because I'm pretty sure I asked him for chocolate milk at least a dozen times, even though there was none in the apartment. I also got upset when I was out of iced tea, and kept sucking air through the straw and pouting. I remember watching a particularly sad moment of Glee where Jon was tearing up, and I looked at him and said, "This is sad, isn't it?" And when he said yes, I said "I think I'm supposed to be upset right now. I'm sad I'm not upset right now." Then I fell off the couch.

So right now, Jon is in Pittsburgh, because his sister just had a baby. As in tonight, just had the baby. It's so great to see how genuinely excited he is about being an uncle. There are so many wonderful things about Jon, and I can't wait to see where this relationship is going.

Such a Busy, Busy Fall

Okay, well... in the last three weeks, there is an insane amount to catch you up on. I really don't even know where to start...

Work has been okay. Difficult and draining, and a little discouraging at times, but full of a lot of good things too. Transitioning to the ARHD role has been very hard for me, and I've had to break ties with a lot of people because of it. It makes me sad that that's the way things have to be. I've also realized even further how convoluted the politics of this place are, and how carefully you have to tread.

On a much happier note, for those of you that read my last post, I found a lot more than a friend in Jon. From the first night, both of us could tell there was something between us. We were instantly comfortable with each other on a level I've never felt before. That following weekend, we went on a date (my first real date) to the Tall Ships Festival in Erie, PA. We had a lot of fun. Couldn't get on the ships because of the lines, but got to go in the museum and to the beach. We also went to a play the next day, which was nifty because he'd done a lot of the set design for it. This past weekend (not yesterday, but last weekend) we went camping at Ohiopyle in PA. Before all was said and done, we decided we were officially a couple, and ever since, we've both just been generally happier people. This weekend, Celia and Jon came and stayed for the weekend. It was really great to see Celia again, and awesome that Jon was actually willing and excited to meet my friends. (Jess never was.)

So all in all, I am doing wonderfully. I am tremendously excited for what's ahead. For now, I've got to go and get some work done!

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

With a title like that, I might as well just go in order, shall I? Starting with good:

Bree and I are talking again, with the mutual (hopefully) understanding that she fucked up

And that she understands why I was upset.

I went to a party with Bree and her friend John the other night,

And for those that know me, parties are drastically out of my comfort zone

But it'd been a bad day already, as you'll read below, so I figured it couldn't hurt.

I didn't drink at the party, because I really didn't want to.

By the time it was over, I was exhausted, but John and I still had to get Bree to bed.

So after we made her a grilled cheese, got her to drink some water and take Tylenol,

Then we got to go to sleep too. There was a lot of chit chat and whispered conversation

And I found out that he understands a lot of things I didn't expect him to.

It was nice to finally get to see Bree again, and I think I may have met a new friend in John.

Part two: the bad.

For those of you who didn't already know, Mr. Mercer passed away on Tuesday.

I spent most of last week driving back and forth between Kent and Vermilion.

But I managed to be there for the tail end of calling hours, the funeral, and to help out a little.

It was sort of a surreal experience, because Dad had picked all his own music and attire...

Basically he had everything ready for when he finally passed.

So sitting in chairs during calling hours, suddenly, "In Heaven, There is No Beer" starts playing

And you couldn't help but smile, because it was so very him.

I did mostly fine, just a few tears, until the last hymn in the church...

"Go in Peace" starts out with the line, "There will be no more darkness."

And from that point on, I was sobbing. I was sad, but I was also so wonderfully, blessedly, overjoyed that he doesn't hurt anymore.

Final part: the ugly

Last night was my first official night on duty as an ARHD.

I was on once before, but it was before students moved in, so there were no shenanigans.

Last night, I dealt with parties, police, ambulances, drunks, bad attitudes, forgetful residents, dead door locks, alarm clocks... Ugh.

I ran from building to building from 10:45 until 2:00 a.m. without stopping.

Every time we'd be wrapping a situation up, I'd get called to the next one.

But, I feel like I got a good amount of exercise from it, and a lot of experience.

So that's my last seven days in a nutshell.

Weather permitting, I'm going to Geauga Lake tomorrow...

Wow, Wow, WOW!

You cannot possibly understand how I can be so completely exhausted and ecstatic at the same time...

The last three days I have worked have been anywhere from 12 to 14 hour days... The days before that weren't a whole lot shorter.

But my staff has accomplished so much! It's been so wonderful working with them all, and watching them all work so hard. It's been so different and great to see them looking to me as the supervisor, and while it's something I'm still new at, I love it! I love that they know they can come to me for answers.

Long story short, I feel like I'm about to fall over. My knees and back hurt, and I'm exhausted beyond all comprehension, but I feel so wonderfully, gloriously accomplished.

On another note, I went back to the doctor's yesterday. (Traffic was terrible, but I'm not going into that) While he did decide that my prescription dosages were too low, they also said I don't have to come back for four months! FOUR! Not until December when they do another ultrasound. I am THRILLED!

For now, it's time for bed!

Finally Speaking Up

You are about to see a Facebook conversation that I had with Bree. I finally got angry enough to speak up and talk about something that's been bothering me for quite some time. You know what? I feel a lot better for having spoken up.

Bree

hey moo

Me

Hi

Bree

how you doin?

i saw you at gabes the other day, was gonna say hi but you left

Me

I didn't see you.

Yeah, I was just browsing. I had a lot of stuff to get done that day

Bree

oic

hows work going?

Me

Really busy and challenging, but okay

You?

Bree

good. porthouse ended yesterday. spent all day running errands and figuring out bills

how's your apartment looking? we need to see each others new places.

Me

So everyone left?

Bree

yeah, everyone except the ones who go to school here

Me

I figured that's why you started talking to me again

Bree

umm. okay then

Me

It's what you do every time you make new friends, Bree. You throw the rest of us backwards until you want us around again. It's what you did to Nikki and I when you met AJ

I just can't believe you did it again after you knew how much it hurt the last time you did it

So now that they're gone, you started talking to me again. Just like when the novelty wore off with AJ.

Bree

last time i checked you didn't try to talk to me either. it goes both ways. you spent all your time with aj

Me

Because you told me to. If you don't remember, you asked me to be around for him. Also, considering the situation, I like to think he might have needed me a little more than you did. And because I'm tired of being the one that makes the effort.

Bree

he wasn't totally innocent tho. you didn't have to do anything i said

Me

I didn't say he was innocent, and I'm done arguing with you. I have work to do. I'll talk to you later, Bree

In My Apartment

I'm sorry it's taken so long to write again... A lot has been going on here, and it's made writing really difficult. Bree cheated on Austin (A.J.) and wants him out of the apartment, so now he has to move back to Kentucky. I'm driving him home on Saturday. Until that time, he basically spends every moment with me. It's hard for him to be at the apartment with her, or alone. As a result, I don't really get a hole lot of alone time.

On the upside, I've also been super busy because of the move. I've moved everything into my apartment. For the most part, everything has a place too. There are still a few little miscellaneous bags and containers around, but on the whole, mostly unpacked. This place feels giant to me... I have a bedroom (with a full bed... no more twin!) and a bathroom, a kitchen and dining room, and then a living room, and what I assume is supposed to be a second bedroom. However, I don't have a second bed and have since turned this room into my "home office." My real office is just down the hall.

The biggest hang up of the place has been the kitchen. I don't have a kitchen trash can yet, or a dish drying rack. Currently, I have a trash bag taped around a door knob and when I do dishes, I just lay out a towel and hope for the best. The stove is also a smaller stove... the surface area on top is fine if you're cooking alone, but trying to make breakfast for three people is a tricky situation. There isn't enough space to have more than one pan going at once.

For now, I put together a simple pie this afternoon, and once Austin and Connie get here this evening, I'm cooking dinner for us all. (Pasta and breadsticks, but at least I'm trying) Then tomorrow, Austin has an appointment with the tattoo parlor to get his neck tattoo covered up. (he got Bree's name on his neck, which I said was a poor choice to begin with)

For now, dear readers, I shall let you all go. Have a lovely day!

Twenty-Five Random Things

Found this on Facebook, and they're all still true. I thought I'd re-post this here!

1. I love to know things about people… Everything that they’re willing to tell me, especially the seemingly trivial details. My favorite thing to ask people is, “What’s something about yourself that no one ever asks about, but you’re dying to tell people?” I am consistently amazed by the things people will share.

2. I am an only child. For a long time, I hated it, but then I realized that I would never put another person through my childhood… the middle years, at least.

3. I desperately want to be a soccer mom when I grow up. I want to have fresh cookies and milk out for my kids, and I want to ask them about their day while helping them with homework. Then I will permanently attach a video camera to my hand and go to all their games, recitals, plays, etc.

4. I own way too many books. One of my dreams would be to have a “Beauty and the Beast” style library in my home… walls and walls of books…

5. I wanted to be a journalist once, and then I realized I hate being told what, where, when and how to write. I was happier being the boss.

6. I’ve been told that I have a different voice when I’m sucking up to people. While I don’t doubt the truth in this statement, I’m amazed that it took me 20 years to find out.

7. It annoys me that I’m younger than all my friends sometimes, but I also enjoy it very much, because instead of feeling like I’m becoming an old woman, I’m always saying, “Yes! I caught up to everyone!”

8. I thank God every day for the friends that I’ve made and the people that I’ve been blessed enough to have in my life. I have so many families all over the place that have taken me in as their own.

9. I am constantly amazed by the goodness in people, and I wish that others would be too. I have been so inspired by the good things, both attributed and anonymous, that have encouraged me to pay it forward. I want to spend every day of my life doing that.

10. Sometimes, I feel like I’m a million years old. I often don’t realize it until I phrase a sentence or use a word in a particular way. Some days that’s just the way it is for me…

11. Going against the above point, I can be a complete and total little kid. Happy, fluffy snowflakes set me off. I will fling myself down to make a snow angel, and then think about the fact that I’m not wearing a coat… or proper shoes.

12. I have always wanted to be musically inclined, but I am not in the least bit. I took a piano course, tried to learn guitar, even wanted to sing… All were abysmal failures, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to be great at it.

13. I love to dance. I will take any dance course at school that I can get my hands on. When I watch other people dance, I think it’s beautiful and special, and even when I’m doing it wrong, it makes me feel graceful and elegant, and like I’m a part of something bigger.

14. If I could have my dream job, I would be an actress on Broadway. I’d like to dance and sing and act, and take people away from their own lives and problems for a few hours every day. But mostly I want to dance and act…

15. One of the most touching things I ever heard about myself was from a boy in high school. We were doing a candle ceremony in class and were required to say one nice thing about each person in class. On my turn, someone said, “Amanda Borgio… if she doesn’t know the answer, she’ll find it for you. She’s the most helpful person I know.”

16. This question I’m stealing from Inside the Actor’s studio, but if Heaven exists, when the pearly gates open, I’d like God to say, “You made a difference.”

17. I have five tattoos and I want more. The story behind each tattoo is special to me, and I don’t care what people think about them. They’re mine and no one can take them away from me.

18. I am the pickiest eater that I know. Top on my list of things that I hate are condiments, spaghetti sauce, ground meat, and mashed potatoes. I hate it when food touches other food, and I am weird about messy foods… There are exceptions to every rule…

19. I get incredibly upset when I feel like I’m not needed. I hate feeling disposable, and I very much enjoy knowing that I’m needed.

20. I believe in God, because I have to believe that things happen for a reason. I can’t deal with the fact that so many terrible things happen for no reason. I know someone that doesn’t believe in God for the same reasons I need to…

21. I take more bubble baths than any normal human should. I will sit in the tub for hours and read a book, because it’s comforting and comfortable. I especially like the bubble gum smelling bubbles, even though it makes me feel like I’m about 12…

22. I pretend to be really embarrassed when my friends act foolish in the store, and I am, but at the same time, I love it, because it makes me feel real, and I know that I’m really here, right now. I know that sounds insane, but I think this is slowly saving my life.

23. Ostensibly, I have always been the person with all the answers, but I don’t think anyone really understands just how hard it is for me to say “I don’t know.” Just so you know, I have very few of the answers I really need… but who does, I suppose…

24. I am not perfect. I am not now, nor have I ever been happy with several aspects of myself, and I’d change them without hesitation if I could, but I am not ashamed of who I am today.

25. Contrary to what everyone else writes in these, I didn’t have a problem coming up with 25 things about myself. This list was incredibly easy… I guess I have a lot to say… This leads me to number 25… I think that I talk too much, and I worry that this annoys people quite a bit… I hope that people learn to tell me to just be quiet.