In Gratitude

I don't have long to type, because it's already after midnight, and I have some reading that I have to get done before class tomorrow...

I just wanted to take a moment to say that I truly have the greatest friends in the world, and one day, I will pay them back a thousand times over, because they are truly wonderful, and they deserve it. I love them, and I hope with all my heart they know that.

I Never Thought I'd Say This...

I wish RA training would get here...

I miss everyone, and I want them back.

That's all I really had to say.

I Think This Poem is Finally Done...

They're all telling me to speak up,

Say anything, let you know I'm here

Let you know what I feel... What I've felt

But I can't make them understand

That I can't even see your car nearby

Without getting butterflies... feeling happy

I can't make them see how every little thing

You've ever said, or done, or made me feel

Is in a notebook in my head

And I go over it, line-by-line, moment-by-moment

While I stare at the ceiling in the dark

Telling myself that I've fashioned mountains out of molehills

And they're all telling me to

Cast off, dive in, test the waters

But no matter how much I despise the metaphors

(Especially because I know you think they’re overdone)

I can't help but think it's too late

Because I'm already drowning in your eyes

So that when the darkness closes and sleep finally comes

I get to dwell, for a few hours each night

In the imaginary world where you know everything

You know how I feel, what I've always felt

And you do the little things I dream about...

Holding my hand, or waking me up in the morning

And they're all telling me to tell you,

Because nothing ventured is nothing gained

And you can't win if you don't play the game

But I can't make them understand that for now

It's enough to make believe I already won

Because when I dream, you never say we won't be together

Mostly, they don't understand that everything they say

All the advice they're giving me

Is nothing I haven't already told myself

Because I've tried a million times to stop analyzing,

Cease this pointless scrutinizing and dissection of old memories

And make new ones...

Another Day, Another Dollar

It's 5:45 p.m. on a Monday, and I'm working yet another desk shift for Early Arrivals... Which tonight, is actually nice, because I could use the hours, and it'll give me a chance to tell you about this weekend!

So, even though I worked a lot, my 4th of July weekend was actually fairly nice. The day started out a little late, but I drove out to Uncle Ed's in Hiram. I got to see all my Aunts, Uncles and cousins... Gillian was really excited and stayed with me the whole time. We went kayaking, paddleboating, and swimming in the pond. It was good to see them, because I missed Thanksgiving and Easter because of work. Aunt Denise told me that Gillian asked her, "Doesn't Amanda like us anymore?" So I knew I had to go, even if it was only for a few hours.

Downside to all this: Sunburn. Lingering sunburn... It's Monday, and I still hurt.

Then, I got a call from Britt, telling me that Nikki was almost to Kent (I didn't know she was even coming) and that she needed the parking pass. That was in my car. In Hiram. So I drove home like a bat out of heck. Britt, A.J., Nikki and myself then had an awesome cookout... All the food was absolutely delicious. Plus, it was the twins' birthday... Moose and Beast got treats and toys and were just generally excited about everything (they're dogs, in case you didn't remember) Then, that night, we went to go see fireworks, and came back to make s'mores and light sparklers.

Downside to all this: I think I ate enough food for twelve people

Then, Sunday night was staff night. We (Jackie and her husband, Katie, Sarah, Tim, Dave and myself) all piled into Jackie's SUV. Katie, Sarah and I got to be trunky monkeys... Then we all piled out, backed the SUV into the spot, and set up lawn chairs. All of us took a football into the nearby field and played catch while waiting for the movie to start, and I caught some lightning bugs too and showed them to Katie. (I named them Horatio, Elizabeth, Ezekiel, and Sergio) We saw Ice Age 3 and Night at the Museum 2, which were both actually very good.

Downside to all this: James couldn't come, so we weren't a whole staff.

All in all, I had a pretty amazing weekend! I hope you did too!

Finally Taking Some Time...

I realize that I haven't updated in awhile... all you people out there in blog world are, I'm sure, chomping at the bit, waiting for the next update about my boring, mundane life... Well, chomp no more!

I'm stuck at the desk for just over an hour,

And my brain has officially melted past the point

That I can even concentrate on Rollercoaster Tycoon...

That's how I KNOW I need to go to bed...

Anyway, yesterday, Andrew and Jamie vistited from Toledo

So the three of us, and Dan went out for dinner

Which was lovely... it was good to see them all again

Plus, last weekend, Connie came up!

This is a whole story in itself... Connie got here Friday afternoon

We decided to drive to Ikea in Pittsburgh...

It was an absolute blast! We went to the mall too, which was a lot of fun

And we didn't even get lost on the way there!

I also learned that in Pennsylvania, they make you pay when you get ON the turnpike

Instead of when you get off... And I didn't like this.

In fact, I was so irritated, that as we pulled up to the booth

I exclaimed, "$3.75?!?! Pennsylvania can lick my balls..."

Connie thought it was hilarious... The toll booth operator wasn't quite so tickled...

And now that I'm typing this, I realize I sound fairly ignorant...

Ohwell... it makes for an entertaining story...

So, we did lots of browsing at Ikea, and only ended up with a few purchases...

Both of us got reusable shopping bags with the logo on them...

And Connie found a hot pink toilet brush and pizza cutter

(In case you were wondering, separate items... not a set)

And I found this really nifty silverware (plasticware) with matching bowls.

So what if they're made for small children... the colors are neat.

Then on Saturday, we went to Vermilion for the Fish festival.

Britt, A.J. and Nikki were there too...

And we had a lot of fun. Connie found a little rubber duck for her sister

And we ate lots of fair food (Connie had her first chocolate covered oreo!)

We all hung out at Nikki's for awhile and played Gamecube

Which Connie was hilariously terrible at...

And then came back to Kent.

At this point, Connie and I went to see Dani

Because she was in Kent moving stuff into her apartment

So we went to the housewarming/21st birthday party for Dani's friend, Katie

Where Connie and I warbled along merrily with the karaoke machine

Which was a blasty blast...

Sunday morning, we squeezed in one last activity before Connie left

And went to Chapel Hill mall... It was a good weekend for malls

We managed to find a couple really good sales... which is always awesome.

Then, Connie left me, and I stood in the parking lot and waved

Until she was out of sight... sadface...

But yes, that was my blasty blast of a weekend...

It's been nice to see so many friends... I'm really glad

Well, this ate up about ten minutes... I can't focus on this blog

I hope there wasn't something else I meant to say...

Goodbye for now!

I Think It's the Sleep Deprivation

I know you're all super-interested in the screwed up dreams I have... Well, here is yet another one... I think I need to develop a regular sleep schedule...

Okay, so it was a big group of people...

We were in the auditorium for my high school

Sort of... it was more ostentatious 

And there were a lot more pianos on stage

It was an odd assortment of people...

Jason and Dani were there from RA staff

A handful of people from theater class in high school...

I think Mandy, Zac and Gen, but maybe more

Then there was Jess, and his bandmate Cory

Senor Amstutz (because it wouldn't really be theater if he wasn't there)

Anyway, halfway up the aisle was a microfridge

Which was dripping Pepsi and orange juice

And, ever the RA that I am, I was cleaning it up

While everyone else was on stage

Then, Jason and Dani came running up the aisle 

Because Jason had a secret he needed to tell her

And he didn't want anyone else to hear

So the two of them climbed into the microfridge

(I'm still trying to figure out the logistics of that one)

And he told her that he had a new girlfriend.

Then they climbed out of the microfridge 

And sat down next to me while I was cleaning

I think that this was our last time in the auditorium or something

Senor was trying to get us to act or sing or something

He was very sad about it...

So Jason went bounding down the aisleway, and jumped on stage

Cory started playing guitar while Zac sang 

And then we all sang along as backup on stage

And Andrew from... actually I don't think I ever had class with him

He was Peter Pan in the theater class before mine...

Either way, I realized he looks incredibly similar to Nate,

Who was in my Swing Dancing class this year

Anyway... Andrew ran in, jumped onstage and went to the piano

And immediately started playing something that sounded very similar

To "Hurricane" by Something Corporate...

Either way, I remember this odd assortment people were up on stage

Warbling away at the random song (which I cannot, for the life of me, remember)

And that Senor was sitting in the front row

With this beamingly proud look in his face,

Clapping for us and crying...

The end.  Ta da... I need to be sedated, I think.

So Now I'm a Movie Critic...

Okay, so myself and some girls from work just got done watching a movie... "He's Just Not That Into You."  Which was, surprizingly cute.  (You may have noticed I've discarded my normal format for poetry-type entries... I'm feeling very rambly at the moment, and must capture as much of it as I can...)  It was also, however, incredibly sappy.  Normally, the idea of syrupy-sweet love stories kind of angers me, because that's never how love actually happens in real life.... 

But this time, in this movie, I was really glad to see how it ended... Instead of repulsing me, it gave me an iota of hope... Because this movie (which I realize is just that... a movie... not real) has me thinking that maybe a 20-year old girl that's never been on a "real" date actually has a place in this day and age.  

I know that it's asinine to base my life off of films, books, or television.  I also know that these mediums wouldn't portray the storylines they do unless there was a modicum of truth to them.  True, it may only be in a miniscule percent of real life, but I want very badly to believe that some kind of overwhelming, great, shout-it-from-the-mountaintops love is in my near future...

I also want to believe that sometimes, it's okay to overanalyze everything that a person does, because there might be a shred of reality to it... And even if there isn't, I know the things that will make me happy when I see them in other people.  

This post isn't written out of disappointment, or soul-searching or awkwardness. (well, maybe a little awkwardness, but if there was none, it wouldn't be mine)  I just kind of feel... Okay.  And not okay in a bad way, just okay.  If that makes any sense at all... For now, I'm content to sit here and blog... And who knows what tomorrow might bring?