Yet Another 1:00 a.m.

Okay, so it's not that late... yet

But I'll be up awhile longer...

I have a fifteen page paper due Thursday

Which I started this afternoon...

I don't know why I waited so long...

I just did...

I'll be honest, things have been real hard lately.

It's like I'm running down a path

And I can't stop, even though I can see a drop-off ahead...

It's almost like I want to fall...

Anyway, I have that paper

Plus French homework that I have to do

But I'm taking a few minutes to write this blog...

Because I feel like I HAVE to...

I tried telling someone how I feel...

How I don't think about good things anymore

How I'm generally an unhappy person

And I'm just too tired to keep pretending...

About how all the crap I do, 

How busy I am

Is really just a charade to make it look like

I have a life, and a purpose

Is just an empty shell...

That even though I enjoy doing those things,

I mostly do it because

If I stopped for two seconds

I'd just sink deeper into misery...

I tried telling her about how I wish it would all stop...

Not that I'd do anything...

But I really just don't want to feel this way

Anymore...

And you know what?

She didn't listen...

She told me she didn't want other people's stress

And that me talking that way made her feel sick...

Even though I've ALWAYS listened to her

Whether I agreed or not...

So now one of the few people I trusted to listen

To tell me it's okay

To tell me that even though I feel like I want to die

That I should never, never think that way

That I'm important and loved and needed

Prettymuch sent me away...

And that's where I'm at right now...

I'm going to post another blog

With a poem I've been working on...

And then get back to the French homework

And the paper...

Real Quick...

Okay, so I should be doing homework

That's a lie...

It's almost 2:30 in the morning...

I should be asleep...

But I'm doing French homework...

Not really, but I will...

Anyway... I just finished a book...

It by Stephen King

Which I have always meant to finish

And finally have

All I have to say is, 

The movie (Which I loved before)

Does not do the book justice

And I don't know how I feel about it now...

There are so many stories

And issues that the movie never shows

Some not as important

But others which would have made the movie

Much more understandable

And then still other things

That I think should have been included...

For instance, how It came to earth

And some of the stories with the bullies

And what happened with Beverly and the boys...

Ugh...

Either way, I've finished the book

Finally...

And now I'm off to do French homework...

It's Been Forever Since I've REALLY Written

So I realized tonight, that the last thing I wrote was in January, as a Valentine's Day gift, and I haven't written anything creative since then... This made me sad, so I attempted to bang something out... I'm a little rusty, but here it is...

When the Wind Stops Talking

As my heavy lidded eyes close,

Yield to sleep, believing your arms

Will be strong enough

To hold me, and the moment, forever

To never let it end

That you'll never, never

Let the wind take me away

The cold wind borne on the midnight sky

Will whisper secrets our ears aren't supposed to hear

But, I'll hear what it says

And I'm not sure if I should

Because the wind will give me all the answers

To questions I never wanted to ask

Because for once, inquiring minds don't want to know

So, you'll take my hand, you'll lead me away

To some other place, and some other year

Where who we are won't matter

So finally, I'll step outside into midnight air

And the eerie stillness will have no power

I won't want to know how to change things

It'll be enough that the wind never takes me from you

Tada... there you go... at least it's something... it felt good to write again... I just also wanted to mention briefly that I read Brisingr, the next book in what was supposed to the the Inheritance trilogy, but apparently, it's going to be four books now, which pissed me off... I just wanna know the end of the damn story!

Why Yes, I Did Steal This From Allie's Blog...

- Choose a singer/band.
- Answer using ONLY titles of songs by that singer/band.

I pick The Beatles!

1. Are you male or female?
"Girl"

2. Describe Yourself?

"I'm a Loser"

3. What do people feel when they're around you?
"Too Much Monkey Business"

4. How would you describe your previous relationship?
"It's Only Love"

5. Describe your current relationship?

"Lonesome Tears in My Eyes"

6. Where would you want to be now?
"Across the Universe"

7. How do you feel about love?
"All You Need is Love"

8. What is your life like?
"Crying, Waiting, Hoping"

9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
"Every Little Thing"

10. Say something wise.
"Tomorrow Never Knows"

11. What's your relationship with your family like?
"Helter Skelter"

12. What would you do for your friends?
"All I've Got to Do"

13. What do you think of the world?
"It Won't Be Long"

14. What kind of person are you?
"I Want to Tell You"

15. Is there anything you want to forget?
"I Should Have Known Better"

16. What time is it?
"A Hard Day's Night"

I Did It!

So the other day

On a lark

I tried out for a play

And the theater kids were there

But I tried anyway

And I got the part!!!

Woo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm excited.

That's all that I have to say!

Those Pictures I Promised

Potato sack racing... Our staff won this game!

End of training banquet... Don't we look spiffy?

My lovely staff on staff olympics day... P.S.  Dan is our boss... the curly haired one in the back in the blue shirt...

This is Check-In, day 2...  Can you guess who's inside the squirrel costume?

I Guess I Have Some Time...

Judd had to go to a wedding,

So I'm covering day duty for him...

I've got the noon to three break

So I'm sitting down to write another post

Because heaven knows it's been awhile...

This semester has been crazy

RAwise, at least...

There have been a lot of little things...

Like calling police... twice

And paramedics

Going to the hospital

Mopping up vomit

Etc. Etc...

Classes are lovely though... 

I love most of them

Really, all of them

Except my statistics course.

But I hate math, so... 

That's why

 

Piano and ballet are lovely

But I had to skip last ballet

Because that coincided with

Paramedics and hospital...

Dance as an Art Form is interesing...

The teacher is very passionate about it.

Same with Honors Black Experience.

Our professor wants to hear what we think...

Not hear what he wants to hear,

Regurgitated back at him...

Which is refreshing.

Deviant Behavior is wonderful

Again, because the teacher is passionate

Not to mention, he allows it to be fun

And the subject matter is really interesting to me.

Then Intermediate French I...

Which is with my friend Tabi

But it's French...

Which is not one of my strong points...

But I'm still trying...

I think I'm gonna post some pictures...

From training, and of my new tattoo.

Have a lovely day!