How to Make Someone Hate Their Job

So, the amazing thing is, it's taken four months to make me absolutely hate the job I've wanted for the last three years. And I mean hate. I do not want to be here, live here, learn here, nothing. I want to be far, far away from this place and everyone here, where they can't get me.

God, the worst thing is, I can't even talk about it. It's all confidential, except for all the people talking about it amongst themselves. I get torn apart and I'm supposed to smile and say, "Okay, this is how I'll fix it." Do you know what it feels like to be told that every aspect of who you are and how you act is wrong? And then I'm not supposed to take that personally?

I understand now my mistake in staying here, and my even bigger mistake in thinking that things could be different here. I shouldn't go to bed crying at night because I don't want to get up and deal with tomorrow.

How am I supposed to be a different person without being someone I'm not? Because then they'll just call me fake. I can change everything about myself, and they're still going to find something wrong.

Update for the Weekend

Very shortly I will be headed to Youngstown, and then Jon and I are leaving from there for Pittsburgh. We'll be having Thanksgiving dinner at his sister's house on Thursday (which is scary for me... I really want them all to love me, not just like me) then going Black Friday shopping, and then headed to my Uncle Ralph's for Thanksgiving again on Saturday.

Dear readers, as you are not acquainted with my family, you do not understand the unique challenge this poses. My family is bat-shit crazy. Bottom line, that's what we're dealing with this weekend. If ever there was something to make him turn and run away, this is it. Period.

So, wish me luck! I'm off to a fun-family-filled holiday weekend! Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Just a Quick Update

For those of you who didn't know, November 8 was my 22nd birthday.

So now I'm 22... yay!

Jon made sure I had a wonderful birthday, and last weekend was wonderful too.

I went to Pittsburgh to meet his family and friends.

We've both been sick this week, which sucks, but we've seen a lot of each other.

We literally spent the better part of the whole week together.

I miss him now, though. I've gotten really used to having him around.

We're going to his family's and mine for Thanksgiving, which I'm really excited for.

Yes... that's about it, even though a lot more has happened.

Ta ta for now!