Wednesday, December 30, 2009

What a Year...

Sorry it took me so long to post again...
Winter break is in full swing
And it gets hectic at times... I haven't had energy for blogging.

Things are going well, except for a little blip here or there...
Christmas was lovely. Everyone was really happy with the gifts they got
And I was glad I'd made good choices.
I actually managed to send some Christmas cards too
Which was nice.

I got a lot of really nice stuff too. Everyone was so generous and thoughtful.
I feel so special and privileged to have such wonderful friends and family.

I have to go... Exhausted and trying to stay awake long enough for midnight rounds.
Have a Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Sometimes It's Better If You Don't...

Quick update on some fun things before I launch into this heavy, heavy blog tonight:

  • Went to the rec center today. Worked out on the elliptical and treadmill.
  • Got a tasty smoothie
  • Came back, only to find Alan and Chadd gearing up to go to the rec... So I went too!
  • Swam, hot tubbed, and sat in the sauna, then had dinner.

So that part of today was pretty nice... I felt accomplished. Now, into the heaviness...

Myspace is a nifty little social tool, but let me tell you, I'm not pleased with it tonight. I went poking around Jess's Myspace. I like to look at the pictures. This means I found a link to his ex-girlfriend's Myspace. And because I'm a glutton for punishment, I looked at her photos.

This is an intense process... It involves me looking for every single physical flaw she has, then comparing those to every single one of mine. And unfortunately, I couldn't find enough of her physical flaws to convince me that I'm the winner in that category... And I only know hearsay evidence as to emotional/mental characteristics of hers, so I have to call that contest a draw for now.

There are still all those cute little "I love you" type comments in the photos. Old blogs that talk about their relationship and how much she loved him are still there. I guess I have an opinion of sorts on this... When Jess and I broke up, I purged my life of everything that reminded me of him... This meant photos, old letters and notes, gifts... I went through Facebook and Myspace, meticulously deleting everything. I didn't want to hold on to anything that I couldn't really have anymore. I feel like by keeping those things, it would have been a sign that I wasn't ready to give up. And so I worry she hasn't.

Maybe this is just me being crazy. But it was hard to look at all that, and realize that there was a time where he didn't love me, that there was a time when he was gone. Because even when we were apart, I never stopped loving him. And it's hard to see that he said the same things to her he said to me... And that he says to me now.

I guess I can't blame him... I don't. I really don't blame him. Love is a powerful emotion. I just don't want to think about him loving someone else, because it makes me think that I can be replaced. Because, for whatever brief time, they were engaged... She got the ring, not me. Because I know what it's like to be her on some level, wanting someone you can't have, or something you lost before.

Because I'm a crazy girl, and when I haven't seen him in weeks, these are the places that my mind goes to.

Thanks for listening to my crazy.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Oh, How I Love the French...

This post actually serves a double purpose...
I'm up at this godforsaken hour
Because I have a French final at 7:45 a.m.
And I feel that, at this point, sleep would be a bad idea
Therefore, I'll be staying awake
Then sleeping after the final.

Also, Bree showed me a video on Youtube today...
And it makes me chuckle quite a bit.
It's a man dressed as a kangaroo...


You ought to give it a look...
(Just so you know, there are a few seconds where a woman is sunbathing topless... You've been warned)
Maybe it'll make you smile too.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Bad News/ Good News

Bad news: I'm up until 4:30 a.m. writing a final paper.

Good news: I just discovered the Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes in my refrigerator. I put them there last night because they were melty, ate one this morning, and forgot about the rest of them.

I'm not saying it makes staying up til 4:30 a.m. favorable... but it definitely makes it all kinds of tastier.

Yum.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Late Night Insomnia and Odd Feelings

I was on duty tonight, and I'm having some trouble sleeping.
I watched P.S. I Love You, and it made me cry a little bit...
And now I feel like it's a crying night... I feel like it's been lingering awhile

I'm not quite sure why... Things are going well.
School is almost over for the semester, and I got the winter break job.
It's good money, even if it means more work and missing the Holidays...

Things are going really well with Jess... Better than I ever expected.
I love being with him, and I miss him when I'm not...
I'm trying to learn to talk things out when they annoy me... and I want him to do the same.

I guess I just want this to work out... I feel like we're both at a point where we can make it work.
That we've both grown up enough to fix what was always wrong.
I just hope that I'm right this time around.

So please know, dear readers, that for now, I'm happy.
I hope you are too.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Incredibly Productive Morning

As the title suggests, I've had a good morning as far as getting things done goes.
I woke up to a text from a resident asking about a checkout,
So technically I was working before my feet even hit the floor.
I came down to the office (seven minutes late, but I always stay longer than I'm supposed to)
And got right to work.

I have since completed my community activity assessment online...
Emailed the coordinator of the graduate program I' m interested in,
Started my personal statement for grad school applications,
And have just generally been productive.

It's time for me to go! Have a lovely day!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Thanksgiving in a Really Compact Nutshell



It's 4:30 in the morning, and I have a French test at 9:15, so this will be short.

Summary: Good Thanksgiving weekend... mostly.

Found out just before break that I got the winter break job... Woohoo!

Jess couldn't get anyone to cover his shift, so he didn't come to meet my family... again. His show went well, though, and it was nice to see a few people from high school... It wasn't so bad driving home the drunk friends either.

Made Christmas cookies with Bree, A.J. and Nikki... it was really nice. So was Thanksgiving dinner with them, and Bree and Nikki's Mom and Dad.

Thanksgiving at Uncle Ralph's went well... Stores stopped selling alcohol before Mom realized she didn't have beer... Consequently, she and I did not get into our traditional argument. Also, no one told me I'm going to Hell this year.

Final day of break: Jess played guitar and sang, whilst I warbled along with him. The result? Three audio recordings of the two of us that sound horrendous... But make me smile. Then I tried to teach him to swing dance. Fun times.

Next Holiday up to bat: Christmas... For now, enjoy my pictures!