Sunday, October 26, 2008

Wow... I'm Big on 1:00 a.m. Posts...

So the time is now 1:08 a.m.
It's October 25, the weekend before Halloween
Which is when the bars in Kent celebrate
And instead of going downtown
And having all sorts of fun
I love looking at costumes...
I am on duty...
I am also on duty next weekend...

Anyway, we've done three rounds already
And not written anyone up 
Knock on wood...
I went shopping this morning with Dani and Connie
To get ready for our Ghost Walk program.

Rehearsal got cancelled Friday,
So I got to go to staff dinner...
And today, in between rounds, 
I watched a movie with Aaron, 
Then another by myself...
I rearranged my room
And cleaned...
Got some groceries...

It's been an incredibly long and productive day...
And one of the better ones that I've had
Besides a few puzzling text messages...
I'm still not sure how I'm going to handle that...
But anyway... I just want to finish duty
Go to bed...
And not get woken up until tomorrow...

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Seasons, Like Feelings, Change

I Didn't Ask for Change

Gaze out, across rooftops bathed in night
As golden leaves fall, and the old year dies,
Gives way to Autumn... to Winter
To a state of mind best left untouched
Which holds me fast in Winter's icy grip
Even when the Summer sun surrounds me...
Let the shortened days and lengthened nights
Be dark... just not of spirit

I don't want to be the only person in your life
I only want to be the one you don't want to leave
I never asked for you to let me go
So I'll keep one foot in the door,
But keep the other poised to run...
Never thought I'd feel alone
Surrounded by so many
Where no one touches 
And there are no soft moments

I just need someone to take my hand
And show me, not just say
That everything will be alright.
I don't want to see every day as another battle...
I want to write pretty things again.

Yet Another 1:00 a.m.

Okay, so it's not that late... yet
But I'll be up awhile longer...
I have a fifteen page paper due Thursday
Which I started this afternoon...
I don't know why I waited so long...
I just did...

I'll be honest, things have been real hard lately.
It's like I'm running down a path
And I can't stop, even though I can see a drop-off ahead...
It's almost like I want to fall...

Anyway, I have that paper
Plus French homework that I have to do
But I'm taking a few minutes to write this blog...
Because I feel like I HAVE to...

I tried telling someone how I feel...
How I don't think about good things anymore
How I'm generally an unhappy person
And I'm just too tired to keep pretending...
About how all the crap I do, 
How busy I am
Is really just a charade to make it look like
I have a life, and a purpose
Is just an empty shell...
That even though I enjoy doing those things,
I mostly do it because
If I stopped for two seconds
I'd just sink deeper into misery...
I tried telling her about how I wish it would all stop...
Not that I'd do anything...
But I really just don't want to feel this way
Anymore...

And you know what?
She didn't listen...
She told me she didn't want other people's stress
And that me talking that way made her feel sick...
Even though I've ALWAYS listened to her
Whether I agreed or not...

So now one of the few people I trusted to listen
To tell me it's okay
To tell me that even though I feel like I want to die
That I should never, never think that way
That I'm important and loved and needed
Prettymuch sent me away...
And that's where I'm at right now...

I'm going to post another blog
With a poem I've been working on...
And then get back to the French homework
And the paper...

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Real Quick...

Okay, so I should be doing homework
That's a lie...
It's almost 2:30 in the morning...
I should be asleep...
But I'm doing French homework...
Not really, but I will...

Anyway... I just finished a book...
It by Stephen King
Which I have always meant to finish
And finally have

All I have to say is, 
The movie (Which I loved before)
Does not do the book justice
And I don't know how I feel about it now...

There are so many stories
And issues that the movie never shows
Some not as important
But others which would have made the movie
Much more understandable
And then still other things
That I think should have been included...

For instance, how It came to earth
And some of the stories with the bullies
And what happened with Beverly and the boys...
Ugh...

Either way, I've finished the book
Finally...
And now I'm off to do French homework...